My story with Melissa Urban and The New Whole30

A while back, Melissa Urban, co-founder of Whole30 reached out to me. Given my background supporting people struggling with weight and body image from the perspective of psychology, she asked if I would be willing to review a section of her upcoming book - The New Whole30. At the time, she had no idea that I had a bit of a backstory involving her (but I’ll get to that later). 

HECK YES!!, was my internal response (I’d like to think I responded in a cool and collected way). 

What I love about having followed Melissa Urban over the years is her capacity for self reflection and her desire to grow, learn and evolve. She has been willing to review her stance on various topics and, when deemed appropriate, change her view on something. Even things she wrote in a book and built a platform around. That takes courage, authenticity and a level of strength that I believe all leaders ought to strive for. 

I aim to be this way myself. I am always learning. I try to ask for and receive feedback so that I can become even better. I solicit opinions that are different from my own and really try to LISTEN to them. This doesn’t mean I am a pushover. Nor does it mean I will just change my mind about things on a whim. It means I do my due diligence, I’m strong enough to disagree with others peacefully, learn from them where I can and change my views when needed so I can be the best I can be for the people I am trying to serve. That is what I think true leadership is about. 

Now I’ll go back to where my story with Melissa Urban started. 

Some of you know that I have long been a crusader of the both/and of weight loss and body acceptance. 

For me, this means I believe it's possible to BOTH love ourselves exactly as we are AND decide to lose weight (if we want to). This stance has led to quite a few challenges in my career. Many dietitians and therapists believe it’s one or the other. That you can’t love yourself fully if you’re trying to lose weight. 

In fact, it was in one very prominent Dietician’s book where she called out Melissa Urban specifically for touting a “weight loss diet” wrapped up in a “wellness” blanket. The author referenced Melissa after reading her book Food Freedom Forever and had this to say about her, “From my vantage point as a clinician who specialized in disordered eating, this (Melissa) is not an example of true freedom or full recovery from body image issues; it’s an example of dieting by another name”. 

I was outraged for Melissa when I read this. I had also read Food Freedom Forever (which is great, by the way). And I did NOT interpret Melissa’s story in the same way at all - that she was recovering from disordered eating and body image issues. Many years later, Melissa confirmed that my hunch was correct. While she has been very public about some of the other challenges she has overcome in her life, body image and disordered eating just weren’t one of them! When she and I first started talking, I told her about my outrage on her behalf from years before. Trust me, she doesn't need my outrage, she is fully capable of standing up for herself  if needed!

So what’s my point?

Melissa asked me to review the section in her book around weight loss titled "But will I lose weight?" (when you get to page 20, let me know what you think!). 

Melissa has also received a lot of scrutiny over the years. She’s been challenged on both sides of the BOTH/AND of weight loss and body acceptance and she was looking for input on all sides of the argument so she could figure out where SHE stands. 

This is what I most respect and admire about her. And it’s the soapbox I stand on when it comes to weight loss and body acceptance. There is no black and white answer. There rarely ever is in life, is there? 

There is only ever the answer that is right for YOU.

Who are we to insert judgment about someone else’s experience and label it right or wrong? Dieting or not dieting? Good or bad? Even from the supposedly “well-meaning” side who was trying to categorize Melissa as someone who struggles with body image issues. We don’t get to make those judgements. Only Melissa knows what’s right for her. 

This is my stance on weight loss as well. Who am I to say if losing weight is a “good” thing or a “bad” thing for you? Only you know if your relationship with losing weight feels like a thorn in your side, or a challenge you’re up to facing. My job is to help guide you to your most aligned, happiest and peaceful version of yourself. This is ultimately where Melissa got to with her stance on “weight loss” in The New Whole30. And I’m proud and honored to have played even the tiniest role in helping her determine what feels right for her. 

I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions about this, send me an email at [email protected] and let me know what I can help answer for you!